I hate to be a killjoy, but...

...I hope the jokes about the Life in the UK test (it is not called the UK Citizenship test) are over for now.

It is easy enough making light of it, but for thousands of people, the test represents a life-changing culmination of years of uncertainty.

Its merits are easily dismissed...it is a means to an end...a necessary evil...a bit of a joke of facts and figures to memorise.

But, for some, taking the test means that their life could soon be their own again, free of restriction.

Some struggle to remember what life free-of-restriction was like.

Most days bring a reminder of being miserable and stifled in work for which they've lost all passion, yet are unable to do anything about it; feeling reluctant to form relationships or put down real roots - because they've no idea if they'll soon be chucked out of the land which, in their heart, is their home...making the last several years feel a waste or failure.

So - if you must - laugh about making tea and knowing the difference between Ant and Dec.

Giggle that you've got only 8 of the 24 mock test questions right and joke that you should be deported.

Snigger that the government think it important that people who've sacrificed much should take more of an interest than you in your country's facts and figures.

But also please consider, just for a moment, that you are unwittingly laughing in the face of what is a vital part in someone's future and long journey to be not only British at heart, but also on paper.

Someone out there who thought they'd never in their life pledge allegiance to a Queen, but is counting the minutes until they get to do so.

That person may be your friend's partner, your work colleague, a writer from your favourite magazine or the barman who pulls your pint. Or me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is not meant to sound curmudgeonly or overly-dramatic about what people consider 'just a bit of fun' - perhaps simply philosophical. This is what happens when you get old(er) and realise that in a couple of months' time, you may finally have something for which you sometimes feel you've waited your whole life.

Life In The UK...

...test, as opposed to the 'UK Citizenship' test.

As follows, is what was originally a very long comment on a post by Thom Brooks about the Life in the UK test.

I am posting it here, instead of there, ONLY because I do go on, and it got to be so incredibly long that I didn't want to clog up Thom's page with it. NOT because I disagreed with a couple of things that he said, so wanted to run off to post a rant like so many internet soapboxers users do these days.

Not at all! I am in complete agreement with Thom. So I hope that this will be taken in the (light) spirit in which it was meant.

First, it is useful to listen to the BBC's most recent You and Yours programme, and then read Thom's post, both of which can be found here at his blog.


Back already? All caught up? Excellent.


Two weeks ago, I took (and passed - happy days!) the Life in the UK test and, earlier today, listened to Thom’s comments about the test on You and Yours.

I agree that much of the content is out of date, but feel this is to be expected. To update the materials each year would be at further cost, likely passed on to the test taker...which is another issue, in my opinion, after the fee recently jumped from £34 to £50 (I missed the £34) - now taking the overall cost of permanent settlement in the UK (aka ILR) to over £1000 (then, another £900 12 months later for citizenship).

I was admittedly quite bitter about having to take the test after 9 years in the UK (long story), but ultimately found it useful in many ways, and feel that Thom’s comments about the test lacking British history were slightly misleading.

There is an intimation that no aspects of history are covered, which is incorrect; migrants over the decades who helped develop the country, the Second World War, women’s rights and Scotland/Wales/Northern Ireland devolution are all accounted for.

Albeit - yes - only in brief.

Whereas, including words such as Churchill, Heath, Cromwell, BBC, Plymouth, Labour, Tory - and perhaps even J Arthur Rank*, East India Company and what means 'At Her Majesty's Pleasure'**! - would certainly not go amiss.

* As a film maddie, this may be a bit self-indulgent.
** Joking. I guess.

There should be MORE about what it actually means to be a part of this country and LESS about on what date Valentine's Day falls, what do British people eat at Christmas and who were founding members of Council of Europe (not to be confused with European Council).

I felt that also misleading - and somewhat contrary to the point Thom was making about the test content - were his comments about many people with whom he’s come into contact failing the test due to erroneous information given as study material.

As Thom states, tests are mostly about memorising information than anything else - therefore, given the availability of study guides (I personally found the gocitizen.co.uk website 1000 times more useful than the books), I can not agree at all with his suggestion that people fail due to out-of-date information.

It is not an ideal situation, but this is not the US (Yet! I left there to get away from it, but feel we are gradually turning until Little America here!), who (and, therefore, their citizenship test, one conjects) must always be seen as leading by example and win, win, winning!

On a lighter note…

Thom's suggestion about involving those who've taken the test on what sort of content should be included is a very good one: but why stop at academics? My ongoing nemesis that is the UKBA have record of test-taker data - how about assembling a cross-section of people of different background and age to share their feelings on the test and what they would’ve liked to have been asked to learn?

While the majority probably couldn’t be bothered, surely there are enough people like me and Thom who would be happy to spare the time and effort to help make improvements for the future.

Which brings me to a related point...

Now I’ve finally taken the test, I personally feel that it should be taken on arrival rather than simply in order to meet a requirement 2/5/10 years down the road.

It seems rather ridiculous for people to be learning how to get a National Insurance no., a driving licence, at what age their children will be tested in school and if their neighbours eat turkey AFTER they've been here for a number of years, no?

For example: New arrivals are given a six-month window to take the test...for £10, rather than £50...perhaps even making it voluntary so that one can get it out of the way early on if they know (believe) they will be making the UK their permanent home.

I realise this would not work in all cases, but think the idea has its merit.

I feel a letter coming on!!

Perhaps best to wait until my long-suffering ILR application is finally submitted, though...

Tick tock goes the clock.

When September 11th...

...(as it is known, rather than 11/9) happened, the first thing I did on getting home (I was in Australia at the time) was book a long flight. While the rest of the world mourned, I felt nothing other than the need to get out and experience life.

The morning after 7/7 (the date is the same in any variance of English), I got on a bus and got on with things. Maybe because I knew that had I not been running late the morning before as I made my way to Arsenal tube station, I could have easily been on the train that was bombed between Russell Square and King's Cross.

Or maybe it was because I was a Londoner.

Today - after watching the country being torn apart for the last few days - I sit home and lament.

I am getting too old for the destruction of the world and mankind.

There are things that I want to be out doing today, but I'm not doing them.

I know that good comes from bad...

Indeed, all one has to do is look to my first sentence above: without said long flight (to the UK), I would have not found myself living in this country 9 years, 7 months and 18 days later.

Yes, this country which has broken my heart a little bit more time and time again.

Especially this week.

But it is home.

...but while I would like to be able to focus on

All I see is

This display of both love and hate has gradually become my image of the week.

I did not realise how despondent I was feeling until putting it into 140 characters last evening (about football today): "It's strange how unimportant it feels after the last few days. I am feeling somewhat scarred.".

After that, I was in and out of tears for some time, as I thought of all the horrible things the world does to us.

And after a very restless night's sleep that resulted in being hardly able to drag myself out of bed until nearly 11am, my first 'public' thought this morning was: "I am sad that the last week of sadness has drained me of enthusiasm for this day I've been waiting for. No joy, no motivation, no football."

I got out of bed today, and will get myself out this funk. Maybe in an hour, maybe in two days.

Until then, my sofa is my haven.

I read this in . . .

. . . a US-based friend's Out of Office reply:

> We will be closed on Monday Feb. 16th for the Presidents Day holiday

Hmmm…

President’s Day?

Presidents’ Day?

This appears to be unclear even to those who try to educate children.

I also didn’t realise this day's the same as Washington’s birthday - wasn’t it previously called that?
Lincoln still appears to have his own day; hmm, doesn’t seem fair for him to get a mention while the first George W doesn’t.

How do people get through life not wondering about such things?

Why not combine the two into just one day - or a day to celebrate every single one of them - and then it really can be called Presidents Day.

No, that's wrong too.

Presidents’ Day it is, then . . .

Now onto the really important question: Why don't we have Prime Ministers' Day?

Heath? [mind, he did get his own airport]

Wilson's Day?

The National Day of Attlee?

In fact, Britain hasn't a single holiday to officially-recognise anyone's contribution to national history.

Hrmph.

i just love that . . .

. . . the country has taken to court someone who weighs her vegetables on a scale that is in pounds and ounces, rather than grams and kilos

in a way, i do really mean that i love it - somehow it's a bit quaint, really, isn't it?

on the other side, i'm truly appalled that my taxes are paying for this...

Currently reading:
Down Under
By Bill Bryson

Current mood:
vexed

run, run away. . .

. . . here we go again

coming soon, with ref to this, this (warning - pdf doc), this and this

phew

it started . . .

. . . here

to which my comment to a friend was:

yet another one from over there making friends over here and giving a brilliant impression of how (un)worldly and educated americans are viewed by those over here. truly embarrassing:

'Her many utterances are so outrageous, for example, "I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East and sending liberals to Guantanamo."'

I read the article first, then watched the video here (er, and yes, Paxman does tend to just jump right in and on people like this)

then really enjoyed the comment here

and added my own after reading:

'...especially when I consider British viewers sitting at home taking in her usual dog-and-pony show of snide stridency. I can only imagine she confirms their worst suspicions about Americans: contemptuous of science and reason, nuttily and selectively religious, arrogant, stupid, and shrill.'

as someone (who was at one time) from the u.s. (she says uneasily and non-patriotically) who has been living in the uk for several years, I had composed an email to a friend on this topic before reading this blog, commenting nearly these exact words about the impressions given by brash, insular u.s. types such as this woman. this kind of stuff really sets relations back. . . they've only just stopped talking here about how the u.s. ambassador/embassy refuses to pay their accrued congestion charge (£271,000 as of 1st may), presuming they/he is above the law (surprise, surprise!) and happy to pass along these charges to londoners. but I digress...

also agree with the '...a real press -- such as they have in the UK -- that she can't help but look like an idiot' and that Pax didn't take her seriously anyhow

people tend to get offended if I get annoyed when someone says a bit too loudly 'she's american' and/or 'she's from america' - but it's because of people like this that I wish to constantly distance myself from any responsibility. also - frankly - I simply do not at all identify with the term/label. sometimes I don't even realise it's me they are talking to/about - it's a bit like if someone pronounces or spells your name wrong and you don't even associate the fact you're the person to whom they refer

by the way - in attempts to circumvent any flaming - I'm not saying britain is an angelic country that can do no wrong and doesn't have its share of idiots (oh no - just look at the hooliganism news (again) re the world cup (again) .. and many, many other things, of course)

. . . . .

a brief extra bit on the Paxman interview - I found this to be quite a typical response from a brit (as nicked from here), given the majority of them seem to have no concept or respect of religion, etc (which I still find astounding, given their history):

'Paxman immediately countered her by jumping to a conclusion: "So, you think that the world was created in six days?" What I found interesting about this brief exchange was that Paxman seemed to be reasoning that Biblical creationism "seemed silly" on the face of it, whereas Darwinism "seemed rational enough" by the same criterium.'

current mood: chuffed it's england v ecuador in 2hrs

so on my way home tonight . . .

. . . there were about...guessing...20?ish coppers at the station I always pass through. they were sort of spread out as well, so not sure if maybe something happened. too tired to ask

though I did notice that they have installed a airport-stylely detector thing, which is new since yesterday! I had heard they were going to trial one of these at a random station that is a bit off the path, which seemed pointless. glad to see they are also doing this in this other station, which is a perfect place to have one (largest and busiest station in london - and where the bomber boys arrived/disseminated)

bit unsettling with all the coppers, though - it's not them I mind, but whoever they're looking for . . .

just a wee bit . . .

(this post is a work in progress)

. . . more on this topic, since it seems to not be going anywhere

so it seems that even the people who tell us not to let people in have let people in not only to the country, but to their offices to given them a little sparkle and shine

passports for food?

'But the home secretary stressed that 3,500 had been going missing every year before a more secure mailing system was introduced in February 2004...More than 300 passports were stolen or lost in delivery and others simply went missing and were never recovered. They introduced a secure delivery mechanism and even that is failing.'
this is a cracker, the alleged secure mailing system; when they had to return my passport in september 2004 (hmmm, 7mths after this revoluntionary system came into use), it was sent in a non-descript puffy brown envelope with no return address. i was very reluctant to open it at the time, for fear someone had sent some errant porn or perhaps a severed finger


with regards to legal immigrants, check out how wonderfully prepared we were for them - amazing!

'A government report estimated 5,000 to 13,000 workers from the 10 new EU countries would want to stay in the UK. In fact 293,000 immigrants have applied for work permits since May 2004.'
(this post is a work in progress)

are you ok for a little rant?

this began as a short email to a friend, but grew along with my annoyance . . .

for those who might enjoy a good debate over those people who come into our country, take our food, education, housing, medical, etc and give nothing in return (oh wait, that's asylum seekers)

with ref to:

Illegal immigrants 'not hunted'; Wednesday, 17 May 2006, 07:40 GMT

'He said the UK's illegal immigration problem, which according to one estimate was about 0.7% of the population, was small compared to the United States, where they made up "7 or 8%" of the population. '

how ridiculous is this quote, considering the vast differences of:

usa:
9,631,420 sq km
298,444,215 total pop
23,875,537 illegal

california alone:
158,302 sq. mi.
33,871,648 total pop
2,201,657 illegal
(for a bit of pedantesque comparison)

uk:
149,757 sq km
60,609,153 total pop
424,265 illegal

which doesn't quite add up to their delusional figure of 25,000/yr x 10yrs, now does it; especially when last July there were allegedly 570,000, and today they say they are expelling 1,000 per month. so 1,000 x 10mths = 10,000. which means there are roughly 470,000 at the moment and not 424,265 nor 310,000

and if in 2002, mr blunkett (also see point5 below about our leaders) supported the idea that 'there are as many as 500,000 illegal immigrants in the EU', does that not mean we are the biggest offenders? but how is this figure possibly feasible anyhow, in a population of 379,000,000; for those keeping track, that's only 0.14%.

eu:
3,976,372 sq km
456,953,258 total pop
639,734 illegal based upon figures above

so are we to believe that in today's figures, there are only 640k illegal immigrants out of 457mil and upwards of 500k of those are in the uk alone? if so, the problem is even bigger than we realise.

making comparisons to the problems in the us simply infuses the notion those of 'authority' in the uk are trivialising what is in fact a very big problem. how is there even a comparison?

and obviously don't even get me started on the '1,023 foreign prisoners who were released without being considered for deportation', encompassing: 'three convicted murderers, nine rapists and five of sex offences against children'. this may seem a small number, but not when they might be living down the road from me, working for the local taxi service or behind the till selling sweeties to kiddies. another demonstration of how this country's shamefully pathetic legal system adds further detriment to the safety and wellbeing of every one of us.

it is interesting how often i seem to get into a conversation with someone about my feelings on how unbelievable it is that in this country, a man can rob, assault, rape, murder, chop up a woman whilst driving ten times over the limit in car full of child pornography and probably get 2 years, then reduced to 6mths- or perhaps a £20 fine. really, he is better off carrying out all of this than getting caught selling illegal cigarettes down in nag's head or ambling from pub to pub with a bag full of dodgy dvd's

this guy was before my time, but let's get him back

but on the upside, our local politicians are sound, since they:

-are not racists, speaking on behalf of this lovely city, who do not know the difference between iran/muslim and israel/jewish - and could care not
-do not have sex with their secretaries in rooms paid for by taxpayers
-do not engage in dodgy dealings with aussie businessmen and italian prime ministers
-do not reduce kind, clever men consumed with guilt for hiding secrets about their incompetence to such despondence that he goes out into the woods to shoot himself
-do not publicly tout their personal problems and mistakes to the press, lose their place in the cabinet, get another one, lose it, get another, repeat repeat
-do not regularly commit any other 'serious errors of judgement', shaming their colleagues and the country as a whole

. . . yet . . . i still love it here - go figure . . .

but reckon anything's better than george bush (except maybe mugabe)

currently reading: The Women Who Knew Too Much by Tania Modleski

eritrean formula . . .

am just loving this too much:

'When I was younger I used to read the "Let's Visit..." series of books in the local library, and became particularly enthralled with "Let's Visit Albania". This led me to try and find out more, but seeing as this was the early nineties and there was no internet, there was little I could find. So I wrote to the Albanian ambassador. He wrote back and invited me to the embassy for tea. It was lovely. I was very excited, I was only about twelve and I went with my mother to a bedsit on Eccleston Square in Pimlico where I met his wife and his son and was given a can of coca-cola and a copy of Ismail Kadare's "General of the Dead Army". It was wonderful, and I think that ambassador (I can't remember his name) was a lovely man. I think it was the most succesful (in terms of fully winning over one heart and one mind) PR stunt of his career! '
Dan Bidewell, London

to see what brought this on, go here